So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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