you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
