maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
