Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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