He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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