Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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