Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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