oh god the rape fog is back!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
send nudes
from the living room?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
