My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
