I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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