he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
