I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
