she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
