It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
