Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
