He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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