WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
