they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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