She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
