I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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