ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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