I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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