ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
