I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
