He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
