I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
