dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
