I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
