Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
