Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
