Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
