Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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