hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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