i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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