Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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