Say something about gay babies.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
