I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
