her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
