I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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