I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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