Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
