Me. At least after what I've been through.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
