he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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