if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
