Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
