so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
