everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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