Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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