Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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