i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
