you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
