i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
