Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
