gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
