I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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