I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
