Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
