So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
