My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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