I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
