i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
