I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
