When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
