im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
