508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
