Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
