I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
