So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
