Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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