hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
